


Femme Thor

by orphan_account



Series: Transgender Young Avengers [1]
Category: Young Avengers
Genre: Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, Genderfluid Character, M/M, Trans Billy Kaplan, Trans Male Character, Trans Teddy Altman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-16
Updated: 2015-10-16
Packaged: 2018-04-26 16:46:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5012257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Teddy deals with the fallout of certain revelations; Billy is there to help him out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Femme Thor

Whenever Teddy sees his reflection he can't recognize himself. It's always been like this, even before he knew what he really was. Nobody gets it; he can be anything, and that's the problem. It's like water running between his fingers. He can feel who he is and see it, but it never solidifies. There's nothing to hold onto.

 

Sometimes when he is insecure he shrinks himself subconsciously, and doesn't realize it until he's drowning in his clothes. Other times his powers flare in his sleep while he dreams, and he wakes up completely transformed. Usually, its worse during nightmares. The first time it happened he had a panic attack and he couldn't calm down enough to shift back. Billy woke up terrified.

 

He's never talked about it, mostly because for a long time he was busy trying to juggle everyone else's problems. Now there's not much of an excuse. Everybody's great. Things are fine. America drops by every now and then from her eternal multi-dimensional road trip for takeout and backup duties. Kate is training with Clint. David opted to enroll into college and keep his space, for which Teddy's thankful. Even Tommy's settled down in his own apartment, and Billy's spending time training with the Scarlet Witch. (Or, Wanda? She's kind of intimidating and Teddy doesn't think they'll be on a first name basis soon, even if Billy swears she's not as scary as she looks. Unless she gets angry, or you look at her the wrong way, or you breathe too loud.)

 

Basically things seem to be looking up for everyone except Teddy, who can barely keep himself together. He once read something about soldiers during wartime, how they run on pure adrenaline, how once they return home their minds just collapse from all the stress, now that there's nothing left to keep them occupied. Teddy kind of feels like that. The days stretch out into nothingness. He has too much time to think, and his thoughts are swallowing him. There's no distractions. No bad guys to beat up.

 

He and Billy moved into their own place a few months after New Year's. It helped for just a handful of days, packing and unpacking and buying used furniture and dealing with Mrs. Kaplan's watery goodbyes. They set up the TV and Billy's old Gamecube, threw a mattress down on the floor, and passed out after a few rounds of Mario Party the first night. But things soon evened out to mellow domesticity, and Teddy found himself lost yet again.

 

“Good morning, asshole.”

 

Teddy looks up from his cereal and raises an eyebrow, unphased by the familiar voice.

 

Tommy drops into the seat across from him, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt even if it's twenty degrees out. He leans forward and steals Teddy's half-eaten apple. “What's up?”

 

“You know,” Teddy says, dipping his spoon back into his Mini Wheats, “we gave you a _key_ for a reason.”

 

Tommy snorts. “You know, we have _powers_ for a reason.”

 

“Yeah, to fight crime in the name of justice. Not to break into your brother's apartment.”

 

“Is it really breaking in if I would've just used the key otherwise?” Tommy chews on a huge chunk of Teddy's apple and swallows. “Where is that loser, anyways?”

 

Teddy stiffens imperceptibly and focuses back on his cereal. “He went out to train with the Scarlet Witch.”

 

“Figures. Fuckin' momma's boy.” Tommy narrows his eyes. “What's your deal?”

 

“Deal?” Teddy asks. “Don't have one.”

 

“Oh-kay.” Tommy finishes his apple and stands. “Hey, listen. Wanna go for a run?”

 

“Uh.”

 

“Not, like, my kind of run. I mean a boring run. I mean a normal one.” Tommy suddenly finds his thumbnail totally fascinating. “Like, me. And you.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because.” Tommy drops his hand. “You need to get out.”

 

Teddy pushes around another soggy square of wheat. “I get out.”

 

“No you don't. Seriously. Billy's kind of completely freaking out.”

 

Teddy frowns. “What?”

 

“Jesus, I was exaggerating. He is worried, though. I mean, you look like Eeyore all the time. Did you think nobody would notice?” Before Teddy can make an excuse or begin to feel sorry for himself, Tommy continues: “I don't wanna talk. Just get dressed and let's go.”

 

And that is how Teddy finds himself jogging with Tommy every morning. At first it's awkward, neither knowing what to say; Teddy's been emotionally stunted as of late, and Tommy's not exactly good with words, or feelings, or people in general. However, the silence becomes companionable. Tommy shows Teddy how to improve his stride and lengthen his endurance. A couple of weeks in Teddy finally pushes past the initial torture and hits a runner's high where he no longer has a body, just a pair of legs and lungs. It reminds him of basketball practice, except now he's with his almost brother-in-law and there's no crushing desire to prove himself.

 

The snow begins to melt in March, and the crisp breeze partnered with the warm sun adds an extra boost to Teddy's step. He steps into the apartment humming, and leans against the door frame to toe off his sneakers.

 

“Hey,” Billy calls from the couch. A book is in his lap and a cup of coffee is in his hands and there's a blanket wrapped around his shoulders.

 

Teddy smiles. “Hey.”

 

Billy sets his cup down on the coffee table. “You're in a good mood.”

 

“It's nice out.” Teddy shuts the door and wraps his ear buds around his phone. “I'm gonna go take a shower.”

 

“Can I come?”

 

He stops halfway to the bathroom, smile widening. “Sure.”

 

Billy's shirtless, he realizes, once they're in the bathroom. Shirtless and wearing a pair of his boxers, the waistband rolled up.

 

His ears turn red. “Aren't you cold?”

 

“No.” Billy starts the water. Of course he isn't cold. He never is, even though his hands and feet are always freezing, whereas Teddy emits heat like a furnace but can never seem to keep warm.

 

Teddy stops thinking once Billy is naked, and quickly joins him underneath the water. He becomes acutely aware of Billy's breasts. They're cute. He'll be sad once Billy finally has his top surgery, even if he knows it'll help Billy a lot. They're just nice to look at.

 

Suddenly, Teddy thinks maybe he wants a pair of breasts, and his good mood dissipates. He shifts, shrinking to Billy's height, uncomfortable with how large he is and how broad his shoulders are, and Billy frowns.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah.” Teddy furrows his eyebrows. The shower feels too small. The water is too hot.

 

“No, what is it?” Billy's hands entwine at the nape of Teddy's neck. His face is level with Teddy's, and it's strange.

 

“I don't know.” Teddy fumbles for the shampoo, and Billy lets go of him.

 

“I just—I thought you were having a good day.”

 

“I am. I was. I mean...”

 

“Did something happen?”

 

Teddy shakes his head.

 

Billy kisses him on the forehead and moves to rinse his hair, and Teddy leans into him, staring at the soap funneling into the drain. His ankles are skinnier than usual. The sight just makes him want to become even smaller.

 

Their shower ends quickly after that. Teddy doesn't speak much, and Billy corrals him into pajamas and eventually into their bed, where he pulls the sheets up over their heads and holds Teddy close to his chest.

 

Teddy feels like an asshole, turning into the softness of Billy's chest, something hot churning in his gut. He feels wrong, liking the parts of Billy which Billy hates so much. He thought it had just been him trying to help Billy with his dysphoria, but now it feels entirely different. He feels jealous. His head swims with inertia, all the years of feeling disconnected with his body. Maybe this was it.

 

“Billy?” he whispers.

 

Billy combs his fingers through Teddy's wet hair. “Mhm?”

 

Teddy curls farther into his fiance and closes his eyes. “Hold on.”

 

Billy's hand stops. “Teddy?”

 

“I just need to think.”

 

He only ever felt normal when he was fighting in his Skrull form, knowing he was making a difference, protecting his friends, protecting Billy—and, in a way, turning himself over to his alien instincts, letting himself fall into the genetics which bred him into a warrior. But he can't subsist on that alone, and now he pictures himself with small shoulders and a soft chest and wide hips, and a warm static runs through his body.

 

“Teddy,” Billy gasps, “you're—”

 

“I know.” Teddy's hold slacks. “Shit, I'm sorry, I—”

 

“No, it's okay. I just... Are you okay?”

 

Teddy starts to cry, and he sits up. “Fuck.”

 

Billy watches him warily as Teddy wipes his eyes. His hands are still large, disproportionate to the rest of his body. He stares at himself in the mirror against the wall, and takes off his shirt. Billy's eyes widen, a blush spreading across his face.

 

Teddy crosses his arms self-consciously. “Can I ask you something?”

 

Billy turns to him. “Yes. Of course.”

 

“How did you, like...know?”

 

“Know what?” Billy asks, though Teddy is sure he's caught on by now.

 

“Know about—about—” Teddy's face crumples as a fresh round of tears washes over him. “Billy, I don't know what to do.”

 

“Oh, T. Come here.” Billy—smart, poetic, intuitive Billy—wraps his arms around Teddy's waist, and Teddy presses his face into Billy's collarbone, unable to look him in the eye. “Do you think you might be trans?”

 

Teddy's stomach lurches at the question he'd been pondering for months now. “God. I don't know.”

 

Billy shushes him and runs his hands up and down Teddy's back. Teddy slowly calms down, shifting back into his original form. His feet hang over the edge of the bed. His chest is flat again. Billy hands him his shirt, which he gladly puts back on.

 

“Why didn't you tell me?” Billy asks. He is propped up against the pillows now, Teddy's head in his lap.

 

“I don't know,” Teddy confesses. “I never thought about it until now. It makes sense, though.”

 

“So...do you...” Billy chews his lip, a crease between his brow.

 

“I don't want to be a girl,” Teddy blurts. “If that's what you're thinking.”

 

“Okay.” Billy starts kneading Teddy's neck the way he likes.

 

“I like being a guy, I guess,” Teddy continues. “But, I mean, I never really, like...figured it out. On my own. You know? I was always scrawny. Once I met Greg and them I bulked up, because I wanted to feel normal. And then after that it just stuck, because it made me feel strong. And useful. When I was helping everyone. But now I don't know.” His voice drops to a hoarse whisper. “I don't know. It's like everything I am is just me copying something else, or I'm turning myself into someone for somebody else.” He presses his face against the fabric of Billy's shirt. “I just want to be me, for me.”

 

“I love you,” Billy murmurs, because there's not much else he can say. His fingers slip into the feathery locks at the back of Teddy's head.

 

“I love you too.”

 

“What you look like doesn't matter. There's stuff about you that's more important. Like how nice you are, and how funny you are.”

 

“Nobody laughs at my jokes,” Teddy scoffs.

 

“I do!” Billy smiles. “I laugh at all of them.”

 

“You're contractually obligated, though.”

 

“Well, yeah. But that's okay. I don't mind.” Teddy turns so he's facing upward, and Billy cups his jaw. The tight ball coiled in his chest loosens a bit. “You're a good artist,” Billy says, “and a good friend, and an amazing fiance, and you kick ass in Mario Party.”

 

Teddy laughs. “I do.”

 

“You make good pancakes. You always deal with all of my bullshit.”

 

“Hey,” Teddy warns.

 

Billy ignores him. “You've been through a lot, but you never complain when people rely on you. Maybe a little too much.” Billy glances away. “Everybody always expects you to be the normal one, to not have any problems, because we're all huge conceited drama queens, me especially.”

 

“That's not true.”

 

“Well, you were right. You are the big strong guy. You're everybody's rock. You're the one who always pulled everyone back up again.”

 

“It's okay. I like it.”

 

Billy scoffs and shakes his head. “It's not okay. There's a difference between helping people and sacrificing your own health.” His hand stills atop Teddy's head. “I'm sorry I never realized what I was doing to you.”

 

“You weren't doing anything,” Teddy insists.

 

“Just...let me help you now, okay? To make up for all of this.” He grins. “I had my mental breakdown. Now it's your turn.”

 

Teddy laughs shortly. “Awesome.”

 

Billy leans down and kisses him. “It's okay. I'll take care of you.” He pats Teddy's cheek and slips out of bed; Teddy sits up after him. “I have an idea.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“I need to find something.” Billy rummages through a box from his parent's house left unpacked in the corner. “Here!”

 

He rises, a small box in his hands. Teddy pales. “Um.”

 

Billy sits down in front of him and opens the box. “God, I haven't used makeup since junior high.”

 

“That doesn't sound good.”

 

Billy swats his shoulder. “Shut up. It doesn't mean I'm bad.” He takes Teddy's chin in his hand. “Close your eyes.”

 

He dusts some shadow onto Teddy's eyelids, creates a crooked wingtip with eyeliner, and contours Teddy's jaw with foundation. His hands are small and his movements are slow. He doesn't talk much so Teddy remains silent, focused on the sound of Billy's breathing, the way the sheets move as Billy sits on his knees.

 

“Okay,” Billy says. He rests his hands on Teddy's shoulders. “Open your eyes.”

 

Teddy's face looks more slender and his eyes look brighter and his lips look fuller and pink. He touches his cheek in awe.

 

“You okay?” Billy asks.

 

“Yeah. It's just...weird.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Maybe I'll—” They watch Teddy's hair grow together. It stops at his wide shoulders in gentle waves. “Wow,” he breathes.

 

Billy holds a lock of his hair. “Do you like it?”

 

“I don't know.” Teddy frowns and turns to him. “Is that bad?”

 

“No.” Billy smiles. “It's fine. You're fine. You're beautiful.”

 

Teddy swallows. “I mean. Okay. Thanks.”

 

“Don't worry. It'll be okay. I got you.”

 

“Right.”

 

Billy grins. “You kind of look like a femme Thor.”

 

Teddy smirks. “Okay, Ass Guardian.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

Teddy laughs as Billy leans up to kiss him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I've always wanted to explore Teddy's gender identity. I mean, he can shapeshift! That's awesome. Or, not so awesome. Depends on how you look at it. 
> 
> This is part of a bigger series I am starting which will eventually feature ALL of The Transgender Young Avengers (and others). 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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